Chapter 209 – Girl and the boy’s conflict – Part two
Neither of us talk for a while.
I don’t know what to say, and Gaius looks like he’s thinking about something.
We sit next to each other on the ground, and Freinet stays next to me, still invisible to Gaius.
We speak at the same time and stop.
“…You can speak first, Gaius.”
I say, and Gaius starts talking.
“I… Don’t know how to feel about those knights from Migha.”
“The prince that saved the people from Mister Nirushi’s village is also what caused my father to die and us to have to run away from our village.
When I think about this, I really feel like I can’t forgive them even if they’re not enemies.”
Gaius isn’t looking at me, he’s facing down and it sounds like it’s hard for him to speak.
Gaius’ suffering makes me sad too.
I like him a lot.
But feeling this way is also part of life, and proof that someone’s alive.
I feel this way because back in the village where I was born, I never felt this sort of pain, or anything for that matter.
All I did was breathe.
“I’m still sad that my father is gone.
I can’t accept that my father had to die like that.
You and Miss Lan are different, but I really can’t relax around humans.
It would be one thing if they were any other humans, but the knights from Migha are the ones who killed my father.
I can’t help but keep thinking about why my father had to die.”
Gaius says with sadness and pain in his voice.
It would be different if they were just humans, but he can’t get over the fact that they’re knights from Migha.
“I understand it in my head but… My heart doesn’t.
You can say that they’re allies who rescued slaves and brought them all the way here, but I still can’t get over it.
I keep having dark thoughts like wanting to kill them.”
Mister Athos was killed, and very cruelly, so Gaius can’t just be his usual kind self.
When I first met him, the idea of wanting to kill someone would’ve never crossed his mind.
“…I know I shouldn’t think these things.
Do you hate me for saying this”
Gaius finally looks my way.
His brown eyes are trembling with worry.
I put my hand on his cheek and look directly into his eyes.
“You’re not, bad.”
I stop to think, and then continue.
“…I don’t understand things like hatred, and wanting to kill.
But I don’t think, you’re bad for feeling that way.”
I don’t understand those emotions like hatred and wanting to kill, but I don’t think I should deny them just because I don’t feel them.
“It’s alright, for you to feel, you want to kill them, just don’t do it.
You can have, all those emotions inside you.
I’m not saying, it’s not scary, but I’m not going to say you shouldn’t feel that way, and you should stop it.”
I’m eleven, so I’m not sure if what I’m saying is right.
There probably isn’t even a right and wrong in this situation, it probably depends on the person hearing it.
I want to understand Gaius, but in the end, it’s hard to understand everything.
I don’t know what’s right, but I say what I think.
I put both my hands on his face, look straight into his eyes, and continue.
He looks surprised.
“So say, everything that’s on your mind.
I don’t know about hatred, but I don’t like, when you suffer.
I’ll listen to everything, so don’t carry everything, alone.”
I don’t know if saying what’s on his mind will make him feel better, but I think it might make his heart feel a bit more at ease.
I don’t understand what he’s feeling, but I want him to feel better.
I want to help even if it’s just a little.
“…Thank you Lerunda.”
“…Step back a little.
It’s embarrassing when you stare at me like that.”
“Can I talk a little It’s all about ugly emotions though.”
“Yes, say everything.”
I say, and he starts speaking.
—Girl and the boy’s conflict – Part two
(The miko speaks with the beast boy, and doesn’t deny his dark feelings.)