Chapter 112 – Sister and self-awareness
“Why! Let me out of here! Who do you think I am!”
Why is this happening to me I’m special!
I think as I yell over and over again.
I’m special, and this world loves me, so I’m sure someone will come save me right away.
And yet, here I am, sitting on the cold ground.
I’ve never been in a place like this.
All my life, I’ve always gotten what I wanted.
I was always the first one to get something good.
I was born a commoner, but people always told me I’m special, like a princess.
I always thought it was natural for everyone to be nice to a special person like me.
But now, everyone looks at me with cold eyes.
No matter how many times I tell them I’m hungry, they only give me scraps.
But I’m special… Am I not actually special
But it’s only natural for people to love me… Is it not actually that natural
These possibilities that I’ve never thought of before rush into my head, and I feel anxious.
It’s scary thinking that all the things that always felt natural to me aren’t actually so natural.
I’m scared, and I don’t want to believe this, so I yell ‘I’m the miko!’, as if trying to convince myself.
But the more I yell, the colder their eyes feel.
No one has ever looked at me like this before.
Those eyes are scary.
I’ve always thought it was natural for everyone to treat me nicely, but that’s being flipped around.
Why is this happening to me
Am I going to die here
They don’t give me anything else to wear, so the mystical looking clothes I was given as the miko are completely dirty.
I’ve always thought I was different from everyone else.
That I was unique, and it made sense for everyone else to serve me.
That’s what everyone always said!
But no matter how much I don’t want to believe it, and no matter how much I scream and cry, I’m on the same level as them now.
No, if I’m being kept here and die, I’m definitely lower, no matter how much I don’t want to believe it.
“…I’m no different…”
I realize I’m the same as the people I thought were just ‘everyone else’.
At that moment, I feel my strength leaving my body, and I stop screaming.
As I sit here I think.
I thought I could say anything I wanted because I was special.
…But I’m not special.
No one else around me was allowed to act like I did.
No one got mad at me even if they did at other people.
If I didn’t like something, the people that tried to get me to do that would disappear.
This all felt so obvious to me.
I could do all of this because I was special.
But I’m not actually as special as I thought.
I realize this for the first time, now that I’ve been captured and will probably die.
People have always agreed with me.
They always said yes to everything I wanted to do.
Now, for the first time, I’m being denied.
No, it’s actually not the first time.
I get the feeling that the people that always said yes to me did something about the ones that said no.
Now, there’s no one here to say yes, and no one here to do something about the ones that say no.
“… I was blessed.”
I realize that the environment I took for granted was actually a blessing.
I thought it was natural for people to agree with me all the time, but I never imagined being denied would be so shocking.
Also, for the first time, I remember ‘that’ from the village where I was born.
‘That’ was always denied.
My parents never allowed ‘that’ to get close to me.
My friends didn’t want ‘that’ to get close to me either.
Because of this, I don’t know much about her, and I’ve almost never had any contact with her.
I do know that she lived with us, and everyone around us hated her.
I feel like I’ve heard my parents say her name, but I can’t remember it.
I feel like they always called her ‘that’ or ‘that girl’.
Now that I think about it, ‘that’ disappeared all of a sudden.
I never even thought about it until now.
What happened to the people that used to be with me but were gone because I didn’t like them I’ve never thought about it before either, but that thought pops into my mind now.
I keep thinking about this sort of thing, because I’m stuck here and I can’t do anything else.
But a few days later, I’m let out.
—Sister and self-awareness
(The sister of the girl that is probably the miko is finally aware of her position.
What will she do now)